Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
