i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
