Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This toilet bowl is my home.
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