This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
