i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i think my mom watched the whole time
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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