Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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