i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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