You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
