i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
