Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
