the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
