and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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