Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
