you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
