He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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