Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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