He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
