She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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