yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
