Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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