so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
