I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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