i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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