Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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