she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize