its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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