Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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