You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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