Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
