He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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