smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
two words...techno handjob
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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