i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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