There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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