I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
