Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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