A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
