Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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