WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you would pick up someone in the library
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
