Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
