Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
