My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
