he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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