Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize