so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need water and some morals
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
