If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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