I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Everything about him screamed your future.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
