i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
