: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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