it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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