12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
