ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
