You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
