margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
