South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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