Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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