I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
