the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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