I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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