now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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