you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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