who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
