totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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