i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize