i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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