hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
