Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
